Monday, 28 April 2014

Trains, Mobiles and the Not So Bright

As I may have mentioned already, for at least 3 days of the week I get the train to work and have done for the last 2 years. An hour journey to work does not fill me with joy (my previous commute was 5 minutes) but needs must and I counteract the misery by having a my ear phones in, reading, tapping out the occasional blog post and generally looking unsociable. If your really lucky, occasionally I'll have a little sleep.

Now the line I travel on is not inhabited by the newest of trains. They're loud, rickety and old. Air conditioning is unheard of and the heating harks back to a bygone age. I don't know how the heating is controlled but I'm pretty sure it only has 2 settings - on and off. You'd think this would correspond to the weather outside but I generally find that this is not the case. If it's zero degrees outside, heating is off. Today it's 10 degrees celsius outside,  heating is on full blast. I'm known for being warm blooded but I know that I'm not the only one feeling the heat this morning because half the windows are open.

So to recap, the train is old, loud and hot so the windows are open to try and get some air in which in turn makes things louder.

So why oh why would you try and have a phone conversation with someone?? My stop is the beginning of the line so I'm lucky enough to have my pick of seats in the morning, so I took a pew today,  ear phones in, Kindle at the ready.

Now because I'm nice, I have my music at a level where I can hear it but the rest of the carriage can't. This means I can still hear the noise of the train but it's no massive hardship and I try not piss people off intentionally.

But then it begins....


Well that's annoying, I can hear the train and you above my music because you are actually shouting into your phone. Maybe you'll get off at the first stop.


(I may made that last bit up but you get the picture.)

Oh for fucks sake we've only just left the station and now there's two of you at it!


Seriously? 3 of you? In the same bloody carriage? Come on!

I don't get it, why do you think sitting on a train shouting at your phone is socially acceptable? Some of us (me) don't need all that noise first thing in the morning! Oh and you're really not that important.

I give in, I'm off to the next carriage.

If you saw a stroppy looking woman stomping down the train today with a face like thunder it may have been me. I promise I'm friendlier on the way home!

Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Another Internet Dating Story....

Hi everyone,

Sorry it's been a few days since I posted, life has got in the way a bit but I'm back and I bring humour!

My last post on the joys of internet dating went well (you can meet Dave here) so I thought I would share another story.

So, it's a random weekday evening and I've got one eye on the TV and one eye on the laptop. There's a ping from the laptop, somebody wants to be part of my contacts.

A quick aside, on this particular website, people request to be part of your contacts and if you say yes they are then able to IM you.

So a quick look at the profile, age - fine, height - fine (I like tall men), photo - fine, location - bit far away for my liking but again I remember being told off for being too picky. So I click yes and he becomes part of my contacts.

We shall call him..............Dave 2.

So straight away the hi how are you conversation starts and then of course my favourite questions.....

What are you looking for?

Cue Marge Simpson growl.

However, on this occasion I don't get a to answer because it's all about Dave 2.

Dave 2 goes on to tell me that he's not looking for a girlfriend and he's not looking for a date. He looking for an audience.


Oh Dave 2, please explain.

So he does.

Dave 2 like to pleasure himself and Dave 2 likes an audience while he's doing it. Apparently the number of people of watching is not really a concern, it could be 1 or it could be 10 but he really likes to be watched.

Would you like to watch?

Well Dave 2, we only started chatting 10 minutes ago.

You wouldn't be the first.

Well THAT'S a relief!!

And you wouldn't have to be naked.


I just want you to watch, not touch.

Dave 2, I'm not sure you're doing much for my ego here.

I could pay you. I've paid for an audience before.

And that's my ego completely trampled.

So let me gets this straight, you've singled me out on this dating website (note the word dating and not fetish) because I look like the girl who likes to sit there and watch you wank.

So is that a no then?

Not so much a no, more of a piss off and bother someone else.

Do you think any of your mates would be up for it?

Ha ha ha ha ha! No Dave 2, I am not pimping you out to my mates!

Needless to say, Dave 2 was another one that did not make it to the date stage but I suppose he was good enough to provide me with a good story!

Thanks for reading

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Photo Post

My first photo post went well so here's another one for you.

In March I escaped to Lanzarote for a week.

While we there it was St Patrick's Day and as I'm from Irish stock it would be rude not to celebrate

And this was the morning after - cracking Irish breakfast.

And then home sweet home, the view from my living room

Getting ready for Purple Day 2014

Thanks for reading

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

More Small Things....

I feels like it's been a while since I've shared a rant so after It's the Small Things.... here is:

Small things that annoy me - part 2. More driving related rants.

I'm driving along and it's pissing it down with rain and because of the rain and the spray, visibility is crap.

All of sudden like a phoenix from the flames, a car appears in front of me, seemingly out of bloody nowhere. And the reason for this? Because it's a grey car (or a silver one) and the driver does not have the fecking lights on! Why is it always drivers of grey and silver cars, the ones that blend in perfectly with the grey sky, the grey road and the grey spray that don't have have their bloody lights on? Seriously, they're not just for show, it's to improve your visibility and to make you visible to other road users. Selfish tossers.

Another small driving thing that annoys me (and this really is a small thing). You go to the petrol station, it's busy, there's a bit of a queue at the pumps so you just go and get in one of the queues and await your turn.

At least you do if you're a normal person. Obviously if you're a complete knobhead then you'll dawdle at the entrance to the petrol station having a look to see which queue is going the fastest whilst being completely oblivious the cars behind you that don't have time for you to fuck about. Pick a queue, get in it and stop holding everyone else up.

And lastly, this is a big thing. Indicators - use them. Your fellow drivers are not bloody psychic.

Thanks for reading